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"Mother the child he must understand that he must first allow himself to leave him. In the case of a child who cannot be separated, the mother cannot be separated from the child. El Elele Child and Family Psychological Counseling Development and Education Center Psychologist and Special Education Specialist Bihter Mutlu Gencer addiction tells about the curious.
Sometimes we mothers see our children as extensions of ourselves. We gave birth to them, it should be our work düşün We should think like us, we should feel like us… “Let it be an independent, self-confident child,, we seem to support the individuality, but when we try to differentiate, we react immediately. We always think that we know the right thing for them, ”for his sake iz we say. We think that no one can take better care of me than my child hep We always complain that fathers do not care about their children, but we cannot entrust the baby to the father for two hours. Sometimes we even exaggerate and ask in my child will love me the most… n So why do we mothers behave like this? Center Psychologist and Special Education Specialist Bihter Mutlu Gencer answers this question: … ”
It's hard to be a mother…
our baby when we are in someone else's lap, we feel a “cizz… bir an unidentified feeling that descends from our throat towards our belly…
"No, let go of my hand, I'll get off the stairs myself," he said.
When he said arkadaşlar Mr. Mister ark at the door of the nest and ran to his friends without even looking back aynı
When he no longer wants parents to come for the first day of school that year…
When you first meet your girlfriend…
And when he says he wants to spend his holiday with his friends de
When you want to go abroad to study the same cizz…
Contact Bihter directly “Separations are experienced throughout life. But how “comfortable” it is, it is largely in the hands of the mother erek ”Mother he must understand that the child must first allow himself to leave. In the case of an inseparable child, the mother cannot be separated from the child. No matter how difficult it is for mothers to accept it, it is an indisputable fact. But once the mother has this awareness, much of the problem has been solved. ”
Mis Could you explain the subject of addiction a little more?“From the moment they are born, babies begin to attach to the mother (the person who takes care of her in the absence of the mother). Whether this attachment is safe or insecure is determined by the mother's love and acceptance of her baby and her ability to fully respond to her needs (physical and emotional) according to her developmental stages. Thus, as the needs of the baby are met, he gradually begins to feel safe and attach himself to the mother who understands and can meet his needs in a healthy way. The world is no longer unpredictable. Thus, a çocuk basic sense of trust ”is created in the child towards the world, environment and people. After all, the healthy relationship that the mother establishes with herself is a template that will form the basis of other relationships for the baby.
Mum secure connection and when the healthy relationship cannot be established with all the building blocks (due to various factors u the mother's depression, her inability to fully accept her baby and motherhood, her inability to respond to the needs of the baby, etc. olur), it becomes difficult to establish a basic sense of trust in the child. He sees the world as unpredictable, uncertain, insecure and full of dangers. Relationship The child feels stark naked in danger when the mother is not with her because the template is not healthy. In addition, conscious or unconscious effects of the mother are very important at the source of this feeling. Since the mother is very anxious when she is away from the child, of course the child feels this (most of the time in parting), which means that in any sense, being separated from the mother makes her uneasy. His mind remains with the mother, he cannot concentrate on the environment and enjoy new experiences. In other words, the mother cannot be separated, so that the child cannot be separated, unless the child is separated from the mother, the mother becomes more anxious, the child feels this feeling more and more. This interdependence relationship continues in the form of a vicious circle. ”
Addiction is not easy for the mother de
There is another vicious circle about the issue of separation. “Some mothers also do not separate” I can take good care of my child, no one else can take care of me ve and make the child dependent on them; and from time to time this addiction is too much for them (because even if the child has a feeling of addiction is heavy), then they can start pushing the child “enough now.” Bihter Mutlu says: begins to experience a sense of guilt. This time, the child's fear of losing his love will do everything he says. Thus, the child begins to lose its boundaries and becomes confused with emotion. Does his mother want him or not; he doesn't understand whether he likes it or not. As a result, she starts to exhibit all kinds of behavioral problems in order to gain the love of the mother and to keep her interest fresh. In this case, leaving the mother means losing the mother for the child when the mother is not in front of her. This makes the child even more dependent on the mother. For a mother who has never left her 3-year-old child, it may seem that there is no problem until the day of her nest. But when day-to-day or even school time comes, the issue of separation can become a very serious problem that we call “school fear or school phobia”. When it is time to leave, the child exhibits unimaginable behavior; cries, shouting, recoil or go to school to avoid abdominal pain, illness, such as develops various excuses, even really fever rises, nausea, vomit. To overcome this negative picture, the mother's awareness that her own separation anxiety and fears and feelings of guilt do not allow her to separate her child from her is a good start for the solution of the problem. She can get a therapy to overcome maternal anxiety and perhaps depression in severe separation problems.
• It is necessary to get used to small differences from the beginning.
• After the first months of the baby's intensive care, the mother should gradually entrust her baby to others and try to learn to trust others.
• Children with fear of separation may start with tiny half-hour breaks. Mother with childthat he walked out comfortably saying, bay Mr. Bay gülüms and smiling and then came back. several times. As the child's trust in the person or care center increases and he / she sees that he / she can exist alone from the mother, the time can be extended.
• It is easier for children at risk of addiction to go to kindergarten without waiting until primary school time. It is important that parents, whether at home or school, should be clear and determined to attend school, regardless of whether they take them to the kindergarten / school. At this stage, mothers should not hesitate to receive expert support.
ELELE Child and Family Counseling Development and Education Center
(0212) 223 91 07